oh man.

well....i'll just write another blog while i'm at it.

i just want to say thank you so much for just being there for me, for never letting shit get awkward between us, for everything you've ever done for me, and for actually caring. sure, i cared for you when we dated. you were, and still are the best i've ever had, and i wish i would've realized this sooner. i've liked you forever, from the day i first saw you man and when i want something bad enough, i'll get it. i don't know why i stuck around for so long, or why you still even hang out with me. everyday i wake up and wonder if you think our relationship is as weird as i do. i know i should move on, and some days i really think i have but for some reason i just can't leave. as close as we are, i just can't bring myself to ask you what's the deal with us. sometimes i wish the emotions and openness we both display when we're drunk carried over into sobriety, but somehow i feel if i ask you if there's still anything between us, things will get really weird. it's probably not true, though, i mean, crazier things have happened between us and we're still homies. it took me a while to realize this, but i love you. i don't know if it's more of i love you cuz you're like my best friend or more i love you, love you. i've never been in love before. i don't know what it feels like, but i just might have been(or sitll am) in love with you. i want you to know so bad, and i fight telling you this all the time for fear it'll creep you out. i don't want to lose you in my life. i hope you mean what you say when you're drunk, and i feel like you do cuz we're just on the same page about shit. it's baffling to me. i never knew anyone could be so much like me, or that i could get along with anyone this much. i love waking up beside you in the morning and i love kickin it with you all day. this weekend especially made me realize that. i mean, for pretty much four days i was with you literally 24/7 and not once did i feel the need to leave. you don't know how big that is. whenever i kick it with anyone, no matter how close they are to me, there's always a point where i feel like i've overstayed my welcome, and i have to leave. usually that point is only a couple hours after my arrival. i know there's a day coming though when we're both going to have to go our separate ways, and truthfully i don't ever want to think of that. i can't imagine you not being in my life. you've been around for so long it'll be such a huge adjustment. i don't even know where this blog is going, i just feel like i have to get this off my chest. someday i'll be able to tell you how i really feel, but until that day comes i guess all of these thoughts will be trapped here on the web where i know you won't see it hah. i know they say you never truly get over your first but damn i feel like i should be over you more than this, but then again maybe not cuz they also say it for however long you date someone, it'll take like 3 times that period of time to get over them completely. i don't know how i'll ever fucking get over you though because we just can't seem to stop being with each other. you're one of like 3 people i can honestly say has never fucked me over, and i haven't known most people as long as you, so thanks. thank you for everything dude